Thursday, December 31, 2009

Diatribe: East Coast/ West Coast Licorice Wars

I was recently in the Bay Area visiting family for Christmas. In the midst of family bonding at the movies for maybe the 5th night in a row, I discovered a vending machine selling Red Vines. Not only were Red Vines sold at the concession stand but they were at even closer hand at a vending machine. Red Vines could also be found at the corner grocer as well as on the counter of a local record shop. The Red Vines were Everywhere. After half my life now spent on the East Coast I've gotten used to the cultural contradictions between the coasts. There is one, however, that I will never adjust to: the lack of Red Vines in movie theaters here in NYC and other Eastern cities. Are we not civilized!? Twizzlers constitute a waxy insufficient substitute for those perfect Red Vine licorice ropes. You can't even sip your soda at the movies through a Twizzler, unlike the brilliant Red Vines. Twizzlers remain a lump of strawberry plastic in one's mouth unless chewed vigorously, whereas Red Vines melt away naturally leaving this fantastic sweet aftertaste unmatched by any other licorice, gourmet or no. If I were forced to eat only one candy for the rest of my life- we're talking desert island situation here- the choice would be Red Vines, no contest. And thus I end my year lodging a complaint/ request with those who stock the candy selection at the Loew's, AMC's, and independent theaters of the East. Please order Red Vines instead of Twizzlers, it would make my 2010 far more spectacular!


  1. I feel very sorry about your living in a desert without the appropriate during-the-movie treat. Please come home. Love, Your Mother

  2. On the east coast, what's civilized is what's local. If they like their licorice crappy, that only proves what a gritty down-to-earth people they are.